Twilight Princess - Review

For the unwashed masses, that means Yet Another Twilight Princess Review. However! This one is slightly different in that it is possibly the world’s most negative Twilight Princess review and yet also the most positive. That’s right, it’s a fanboy’s review, where we nitpick the living soul out of the game and then at the end say it’s all okay because it’s Zelda and it’s great. But it is Zelda, and it is great, so everything’s okay. Enjoy!

Sound the sirens! A Link to the Past has been added to the American Virtual Console! It costs just 800 points, 100 less than in Japan, which is nice in the way clouds are nice. Us Europeans will have to wait until Friday before sticking our Master Swords into Ganon. Well, except me. I have to wait until some undetermined time in the future while the goons at Nintendo UK poke sticks at my Wii, trying to get it to work. Guys, I can save you some time; it’s broken. Trust me, I’ve tried sticks, a microwave and the tried-and-true method of hitting it. This problem evidently runs a little deeper, so just send me a new one! How kind of you.

How kind!

Twilight Princess - Heart Piece Locations

Relatively right on the heels of the Secrets/Tricks update, I bring you the locations of all the Pieces of Heart within this game.  I’ve endevored to describe the locations based on landmarks, rather than left/right and east/west.  My hope is that it’ll make it less confusing than having to potentially transpose those directions when reading.  Also, I’m continuing to make up enemy names as I have no knowledge of an official listing.  If someone knows of one, let me know and I shall look into it.

Twilight Princess - Secrets and Tricks

Some of the greatest moments of exploration in Ocarina of Time were uncovering landmarks, like the epic Gerudo waterfall, or the expanse of Lake Hylia. The more special, personal moments of exploration were the little touches, the tiny things that you wouldn’t have otherwise noticed, like breaking pots in Hyrule Castle (and being told off accordingly), Malon’s Bowser broach, or opening a grotto hole by destroying an ominous rock. Twilight Princess is no different; while our minds were blown when we first trekked across Snowpeak or rode the rapids to Lake Hylia, there are still countless little touches that mean much more to us when we stumble across them. Knowing that we’ll miss most of these touches, I’ve compiled this list of Secrets and Tricks in time-honoured ZE fashion. If you have any that we’ve missed, and I know there are plenty, please contact us!

5 Rupees

Bursting out of the gate, hitting the ground running, coming out swinging; whatever tired metaphor you wish to use, the fact is that after one day on the job 5 Rupees is already showing promise that it can out-blog established sites like The Hylia and ZeldaBlog. They’re our new affiliate, offering a new spin on the traditional Zelda blog, featuring articles, comics and caption competitions. It’s worth noting that the site is the successor to the excellent Zelda World, one of our past affiliates, so if you were a fan of that site it’s definitely worth checking out 5 Rupees.

Nintendo of Europe have announced that Ocarina of Time will be coming to Europe’s Virtual Console in the next three months. It is likely to cost 1000 points, a great deal for anyone who has yet to experience what all the “fuss” is about.

Downloads - Wallpaper

A special update tonight - I’ve made three wallpapers from the beautiful Twilight Princess manual artwork, each in multiple resolutions. I’ve also included a version optimised for mobile phones (though don’t ask me how to get it on there - I barely got it on mine! Bloody technology, eh?).

I hope you enjoy these, I’m currently using one (the center-aligned version) on my own desktop and I never tire of looking at it. Nintendo really outdid themselves with this piece, and I hope whoever created it lends their talents to the series in the future.

A couple of months ago we reported on the release of Power Up! Mutations and Mutilations of 8-Bit Hits, a compilation of covers from various bands who offer their own perspectives on themes from classic games such as Tetris and Contra. Bookending the tracklist are covers of the Zelda Overworld theme and Main themes, making it of particular interest to you guys. Well, thanks to the kind guys at Dwell Records, we’ve got a copy and have spent the past few days sucking the blood from its musical veins, and it’s a fruity, if occasionally flat brew.

The marketing hyperbole on Dwell’s online store promises “an elite team of fearless musicians… taking you to a world where few have dared to tread,” when the reality, as Rerun’s peaceful Mega Man 2 tribute will reveal, is a lot tamer then they want you to believe. Buy expecting a hardcore, all guns blazing assault on your childhood, and you’ll be disappointed. The line-up are talented unknowns, hardly elite but evidently proficient, offering melodic, sometimes quite beautiful (Doug McDiarmid’s Marble Madness tribute) adaptations that will politely compliment your memories. That’s not to say that every cover is docile; Upsilon Acrux’s interpretation of Rush’n Attack is an epic journey, weaving threads of fast, plunky guitar riffs with more roaring undertones as a mighty drumming powers it along. Kindergarten Hazing Ritual’s River City Ransom tribute would be earth-crumbling if it wasn’t for its oddly-baseless dub; a real shame. Those looking for true old-school tunes can take solace in the Metal Man and Tetris 3 tracks, MIDI dreams, though unfortunately indistinguishable from the better Overclocked Remixes. The only truly bad track is Flossin’s Castlevania noise. Ouch.

Before you ask, yes, the Zelda tracks are rather good. The Fucking Champs lead in with a triumphant Overworld Theme, a confident wailing implicates the story of an exhausted yet successful hero. Closing shop is the Twelve-Handed Men of Mars who provide a rendition of the Main Theme that haunts and builds over four and a half minutes without reaching the climax it should, winding down appropriately but not sending off in the appropriate blaze of glory. Solid but unremarkable.

If you were a big gamer back in the NES days, or are discovering some of these lost classics on Wii Virtual Console, you’ll appreciate this unique compilation, despite the odd miss. As a more general gaming fan, its nostalgic magic won’t translate perfectly and its flaws will be less forgiveable, but most tracks are genuinely enjoyable on their own merits. You can pick up a copy of Power Up! from Dwell’s webstore (international shipping available) for $14.98, a price that erects a barrier to those buying purely for the two Zelda cuts. 

Twilight Princess - Ending

Regulars will know that we do a comic book-style “Ending” page for each Zelda game; Twilight Princess is now no different. You must understand, your virgin eyes must have already been tainted by the real version - your sweaty hands quivering as they put down your sword and shield - until you can handle even static images of the epic final battle and its emotional aftermath. Or, maybe you just don’t care about hardcore spoilers. In either case, I hope you proceed and enjoy.

When I changed the bottom graphic to read “2007″ instead of “2006″, I got a feeling different from every other year. Its nature was the same (”have I been doing this for so long?”), but its ferocity was greater, and I predict greater still in years to come. Entering our sixth year of cataloguing every nuance of the Zelda universe, I at last feel qualified to share with you some things I’ve noticed. The first is something I realised just the other day. It was striking because of its simplicity. We, at Zelda Elements, have only tried once to create an encyclopaedia. It was in conjunction with The Master Sword and boiled down to an A-Z of the Zelda universe. Kieron and myself wanted one purely because all the “big boys” were doing it, but now I know that if your site is complete enough, you are already sitting on a catalogue of knowledge that exceeds the possible depth of an online encyclopaedia. I’ve been debating with myself whether to join the Zelda Wiki; in some areas it benefits from its unique organisation, and in others it suffers. Ultimately, if it does something better than our site, and in some cases it does, then it’s an indication that I’ve done something wrong, or not well enough.

Currently, I’m rewriting the Zelda Timeline section to include a new Twilight Princess chapter. On further reflection, I also decided to swap Link III with Link IV, because the Hyrule of LoZ and AoL looks much more like a land that has been recently drained, rather than the lush diversity of the world depicted in ALttP. If you’re a Zelda fan who enjoys debating points like these, you’ve probably heard comments from the naysayers who just don’t get it; “they’re all independent of each other,” or, “they’re retellings of the same legend,” or, my favourite, “why do you bother? It’s just a bloody game.” Well, yeah, but what a bloody game. And more than that, what a series. The reason we Zelda fans love debating the timeline so much is because we like to think, however secretly, that Hyrule exists. It sounds childish in the way children like to think that Santa or the Tooth Fairy exist, but what a wonderful life children lead. To give it a coherent timeline and an intricate legend is to bring it to life that little bit more. Almost within our grasp. We also like to think that our actions have made a difference to that world. If we didn’t, we’d be just as happy playing the role of the shop-keeper, or that annoying beggar. It’s why we love the mysteries; what happened to the Kokiri? How does Link really feel towards Ilia/Malon/Zelda/Midna? And how does that postman always know where you are? It’s why some people have been disappointed with The Wind Waker and Twilight Princess; we want Aonuma to just grab the legend by the horns and make Hyrule that little bit more aware of its own existence.

The depth and knowledge required to pay true homage to the series and create a poetic, encyclopaedic resource for Zelda fans means that we must always stay pure Zelda. Recently, The Hylia announced plans for expansion into the world of Nintendo, and as a fan of that site I think that’s great, if you want to create the next GoNintendo. Here, we’ve always been clear on our mission statement. We’ve been accused in the past of not being innovative of original enough. I’ve always seen this site as becoming the biggest and the best. Quality and quantity. We do what they do but better. That’s always been our mission statement. However, originality is a big part of that achieving that goal, a necessary part, which is why I want to kick the new year off with the latest instalment of a feature that we do best, and we do differently, and we do originally.

I hope it will set the tone for the coming months.