Sound the sirens! A Link to the Past has been added to the American Virtual Console! It costs just 800 points, 100 less than in Japan, which is nice in the way clouds are nice. Us Europeans will have to wait until Friday before sticking our Master Swords into Ganon. Well, except me. I have to wait until some undetermined time in the future while the goons at Nintendo UK poke sticks at my Wii, trying to get it to work. Guys, I can save you some time; it’s broken. Trust me, I’ve tried sticks, a microwave and the tried-and-true method of hitting it. This problem evidently runs a little deeper, so just send me a new one! How kind of you.

How kind!