Adverts

Fancy a laugh? Have a look at these terrifyingly old-school adverts from 1987, three years after the Planet Earth descended into tyrannical rule under the omnipresent Big Brother. Or not.

The infamous Zelda Rap (lyrics below) is the main culprit of cheesiness, but the ‘cool kid’ and ‘games geek’ archetypes are bit over the top even for the decade that considered The Breakfast Club’s characterisations as subtle. You can only smile when the narrator tells you that your parents have to help you to hook the NES up, reminding us of the days when Nintendo really was just for ‘teh kiddies’.

“It’s the Legend Of Zelda and it’s really rad,
Those creatures from Ganon are pretty bad,
Octoroks, Tektites and Leevers too,
But with your help our hero pulls through.”

Then there’s this deep character-piece where we gaze upon the mental breakdown of a man who has clearly been driven to dementia because of THAT BLOODY BUSH.

Sold yet? This ad campaign cost Nintendo an astronomical $5 million, which in 1987 could have bought them the entire North American continent. Probably. The game went on to sell around 6.5 million, proving that the 80s really were that long ago.

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